What's a Modern Girl to Do?

I think my officemate is expecting me to comment on Maureen Dowd's article in the Sunday New York Times, since he sent me an email link to it. Overall I think the article was very interesting and it's no surprise that the article is still the second most emailed article of all the articles in the New York Times. (The Times maintains a list on their website and generally speaking articles only stay on for about a day). Dowd is discussing where the female sex and gender relations stand a few decades after the feminist movement. I think Maureen Dowd was a bit negative with respect to the future of the female sex and she painted men as insecure simpletons who only want a spouse to take care of them and not to talk to. The sections of her long article are entitled "Courtship", "Money", "Power Dynamics", "Ms. versus Mrs.", "Movies", "Women's Magazines", "Beauty", and "And The Future...".

In the "Courtship" section, Dowd mentions that men like to be the hunters -- they like it when women play hard to get and don't like to be denied the thrill of the chase. I don't have much experience with this, but I find it hard to believe that men don't like it when women they like express interest in them. Playing "hard to get", seems so silly -- why can't people just be up front about their feelings?

The "Money" section mainly talks about paying for dates though it does allude to a big problem today for women in the workplace -- women on average are paid less than men for the same job. This leads to the notion of "girl money" and therefore, men paying for everything. Back in the 70s, Dowd points out, "going Dutch" was the in-thing. These days, men more than ever are picking up the tab for dates -- women will half-heartedly reach for their wallets when their date says, "No I got it. It was my pleasure." I don't really think there's a problem with this -- I myself have a lot of guy friends that I hang out with where we split the bill, so I need to know the difference between just friends and something more. Picking up the tab is a way of showing that.

In the "Power Dynamics" section, Dowd talks about how men prefer to marry their subordinates over their superiors (i.e. they would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses). This doesn't really surprise me since women contribute to this notion -- us women, whether we admit it our not, have high expectations for our spouses. If we are reasonably driven ourselves, we expect our future spouses to be at least as driven or more so than ourselves. What's sad about this section is the statistics it cites. For example, Dowd cites a research study done at four British universities, "The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise." So men don't like smart women? Perhaps this is somewhat true -- maybe men don't like women who are smarter than them and women like men who are smarter than them. Dowd also quotes Bill Maher, "'Women get in relationships because they want somebody to talk to. Men want women to shut up.'" I don't think this is true at all; Maher is just stereotyping that all men are "macho men". What stood out in my mind from this section was the quote from a psychology researcher that men don't like independent women because they think that independent women are more likely to cheat on them and from an evolutionary standpoint, men minimize the risk of providing for offspring that are not their own. Hmm, interesting.

In the "Ms. versus Mrs." section, Dowd addresses the issue of name changing. During the feminist movement, women were eager to keep their names after marriage. But the trend has changed and women these days are more likely to change their names. Again, I don't think this is a big deal -- there are advantages and disadvantages of both ways; it's just an imperfect system.

In the "Movies" section, Dowd gives examples of movies such as "Love Actually" where there is this mismatch in the relationship. Dowd aptly summarizes, "The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson, the sister of the prime minister, falls for his sultry secretary. A novelist played by Colin Firth falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese." I wish I realized how sexist this movie was before I bought it!

In the "Magazine" and "Beauty" section, Dowd states she thinks that the current ideal of female beauty "is more rigid and unnatural than ever." I disagree -- While Playboy and Maxim have Pamela Anderson type women with fake breasts and extra-pouty lips, I think real men don't expect their significant others to be like that.

Dowd concludes the article on a pretty negative tone, reprimanding today's girls, "But it is equally naïve and misguided for young women now to fritter away all their time shopping for boudoirish clothes and text-messaging about guys while they disdainfully ignore gender politics and the seismic shifts on the Supreme Court that will affect women's rights for a generation." (Again, not an accurate assessment of today's young women.) One almost feels depressed when Dowd asks, "If we flash forward to 2030, will we see all those young women who thought trying to Have It All was a pointless slog, now middle-aged and stranded in suburbia, popping Ativan, struggling with rebellious teenagers, deserted by husbands for younger babes, unable to get back into a work force they never tried to be part of?" Nah, I doubt it, but then I have to doubt it.

I think Dowd makes some good points overall, but I think she is also stereotyping the average male in a bad way. She seems a bit bitter also (i.e. I'm a successful career woman that's why I'm not married), but maybe that is my imagination. Partly I find her article refreshing because I think too many women make it their sole goal in life to get married and I don't really like that. Women should view themselves as more than just what they can be to their husbands. I think that society still has this notion that there is nothing worse than being an unmarried woman and I hope that that changes.